– Tantric sex is not only about strawberries dipped in warm chocolate and romantic exchanges of love…. – But it can be a starting point.
What is tantric sex?
Tantric sex is orginally a powerful spiritual tool for awakening, which is only for the few. But with some adjustments tantric sex can be used in creating a deeper and more vivid sexuality in your everyday life.
In short tantric sex contains different kinds of physical and meditative exercises, which holds the intension of showing you a deeper and more honest way to explore sexuality and intimacy.
In essence tantric sex does not pay interest to the conventional understanding of sexuality as a project based on the obvious goals like orgasm and ejaculation. Tantric sex on the other hand pays interest to that very moment right before you normally let go into orgasm or ejaculation.
Because in these moments, you have the opportunity to discover something new and very different. One could say, it is at the edge of your comfortzone, you can explore deeper.
Why is orgasm and ejacultion not interesting?
Most people holds a common understanding that sexuality is about ejaculation and orgasm. When we understand sexuality as limited to only those two aspects, there are not much freedom to either do nor to act different in the sexual act. The script is all ready pointed out and most of us follow this script whether it suits us or not.
Tantric sex on the contrary is an invitation to explore deeper than the obvious. Therefore this journey can require you refrain from orgasm and ejaculation for some time. Two or three weeks are required.
Because when you in some time have discovered how it is for you not to be so dependent on the extact goal, it can be a hole new experience to bring both orgasm and ejaculation back into your sexual life.
Where to start with tantric sex?
Tantric sex is to be found on many different levels, depending on your wishes for this journey.
For you who are new in tantra and in tantric sex some of the following elements could be interesting to begin with:
- Emotional connection:
Emotional connection is important in intimate relations. In tantra a good place to start is the focus on the speechless and energetic connection.
Try to sit opposite each other with closed eyes. Sit for a moment and try to sense how it feels to sit together but with yourself. Give this speechless meeting about 5-7 min.
When it feels right, open the eyes and let the eyes meet. Look at each other to really see the other. Try to focus on your partner as a human being. A human being with dreams, sorrows, sadness and joy. Just like yourself.
Give the honest eyecontact 10 min.
If you feel it is right for you. You can share with each other about this speechless experience.
Touch is very important is relations. Touch can be seen as a way to relate in a very honest way. Therefore is touch also very important in intimate relations. To be touched is often put in relation to a sexual act, but touch can also be seen as a way to relate deeper and more intimately with each other.
Try to think about how normal it is to touch and care be touching, when we are in a parent/child relation. This sense of normal seems to disappear when we grow up. Suddenly is not normal anymore and lots of people seems to feel shame when they are touched. That is really a pity, because human beings connect on a very honest and deep level, when we touch each other.
In tantra you have the opportunity to bring touch to an even deeper level. The level where the touch do not have an agenda or a goal.
When touch do not have a certain goal, but instead is focused on connection and intimacy, a very beautiful space for devotion, trust and love can open.
Try it yourselves.
Try to give yourselves the space to explore touch without an agenda, and try to see if it is possible to touch your parternes whole body without an agenda or a wish to make anything else out of it but loving touch.
It can be difficult in the beginning, because we are so affected by habits. But try not to take is so serious. Maybe it is possible for you to create a playful space around this intimate experience?
If you feel it is right for you, it can be very good to share with each other how it was and how it affected both of you to play with touch with out an agenda or a goal.
The sexual connection
When you bring the tantric approach into your sexual space, you have the opportunity to explore something complety different than you are used to. Therefore when you are in the sexual energy together, then try to stay curious and if possible bring the two previous exercises into your meeting.
Allow yourselves mindful exploration in kissing, in touch, breath and so on. It can be quite an eyeopening experience and quite an energetic shift between you.
Whatever happends between you, let it be exactly as it is. It is completely ok to surrender into ejacultion and orgasm as long as you hold the intension of staying curious and open to whatever arises between you.
Good luck and all the best.